How to Manage the Minutes and Hours After a Veteran Suicide
The first hours after a veteran suicide are filled with shock, confusion and pressure to make decisions. You do not have to make every decision immediately. This checklist can help you protect your family, avoid unnecessary costs and create time to determine what comes next.
Do not rush to choose a funeral home.
After the Medical Examiner or Coroner completes the necessary examination, ask whether your loved one can remain in their care while your family considers its options.
In many jurisdictions, keeping the veteran with the Medical Examiner or Coroner for a reasonable period does not create a charge for the family. It may give you valuable time to compare funeral homes, understand available benefits and determine how expenses will be paid.
Once a funeral home takes custody, charges and time-sensitive decisions may begin. Do not authorize a transfer until you understand where the veteran is being taken, what it will cost and what you are agreeing to.
What is veteran suicide postvention?
Postvention is the support and practical response that begins after suicide prevention has failed. For a family, that response often begins in the worst possible moment: when a loved one discovers the veteran or receives the call confirming the death.
Shock, fear and the body’s fight-or-flight response can make it difficult to absorb information. Police, emergency personnel, investigators and funeral providers may begin asking questions before the family has had time to understand what is happening.
The decisions made during these first hours can affect the cost, timing and emotional burden of the entire burial or cremation process. Slowing the process down does not mean neglecting your loved one. It means protecting the family while the facts, resources and options become clearer.
Veteran Suicide Time of Need Checklist
You may not need every step, and the order may vary depending on the circumstances. Focus only on the next necessary decision.
Call 911 if the death has just been discovered.
Do not move the veteran or disturb the area unless emergency personnel instruct you to do so. Police and emergency medical personnel will respond and begin the required process.
When possible, ask a trusted family member, friend, neighbor or clergy member to come and remain with you.
Limit what children and other family members see.
Keep children and vulnerable family members away from the scene. Ask someone you trust to take them to another room, another home or a safe location.
You do not need to explain every detail immediately. Give clear, age-appropriate information when you are able to do so safely.
Ask who is taking custody of the veteran.
In a sudden or suspected suicide death, the veteran will typically be placed in the care of the county Medical Examiner or Coroner.
Write down the name of the office, its telephone number, the investigator’s name and any case or reference number provided.
Keep the veteran with the Medical Examiner or Coroner while you make a plan.
Do not feel pressured to select a funeral home immediately. Contact the Medical Examiner or Coroner and ask how long your loved one may remain in their care after the examination is complete.
This period can give the family time to compare prices, contact relatives, locate military records, explore VA or burial benefits and determine how final expenses will be paid.
The family should confirm local policies directly with the Medical Examiner or Coroner, but there is generally no funeral home bill until a funeral provider has been selected and accepts custody.
Do not sign a funeral contract while you are in shock.
You may be asked to authorize transportation, embalming, cremation or other services. Ask for every price and obligation in writing before signing.
You have the right to compare funeral homes and request an itemized General Price List. You are not required to purchase a package containing services you do not want.
Choose one trusted person to help handle calls.
Repeating the details of the death can be exhausting and traumatic. Ask one trusted person to communicate with extended family, employers, funeral homes and other callers.
That person can also take notes, record quoted prices and help make sure important information is not lost.
Secure the veteran’s identification and military records.
When it is safe and permitted, locate the veteran’s photo identification, Social Security number, marriage documentation and military discharge paperwork, especially the DD Form 214.
These records may be needed to verify service, arrange military honors, apply for burial benefits or seek other survivor assistance.
Ask before paying for cleanup.
If biohazard cleanup is necessary, do not begin cleaning the scene yourself. Ask whether law enforcement has released the location and whether homeowner’s or renter’s insurance may cover professional remediation.
Get a written estimate before authorizing work. Once A Soldier may also be able to provide guidance or limited time-of-need assistance for qualifying families.
Protect money, accounts and personal information.
Do not immediately close bank accounts, cancel telephone service or dispose of the veteran’s phone, computer or documents.
These may contain information needed for bills, insurance, benefits, contacts or estate matters. Avoid using funds from an account unless you are legally authorized to do so.
Take care of the next decision, not every decision.
You do not have to plan the entire funeral, notify every agency or resolve every financial problem during the first day.
Write down what must happen next. Let trusted people help. Eat, drink water, take prescribed medication and avoid driving when you are overwhelmed or exhausted.
What to do—and what not to rush
The family’s immediate job is not to complete the entire burial process. It is to preserve choices until those choices can be made with clearer information.
Do this first
- Write down names, numbers and instructions.
- Ask where the veteran is being taken.
- Keep the veteran with the Medical Examiner or Coroner while options are reviewed.
- Ask for all funeral prices in writing.
- Contact a trusted person who can help make calls.
- Locate military discharge and identification records.
- Check insurance coverage before paying for cleanup.
Do not rush this
- Do not select the first funeral home called.
- Do not authorize an immediate transfer without understanding the cost.
- Do not sign contracts you have not read.
- Do not assume every funeral service is required.
- Do not clean a biohazard scene yourself.
- Do not close accounts or discard records immediately.
- Do not try to carry every responsibility alone.
Creating time is one of the most important things you can do.
A family in shock is vulnerable to pressure, confusion and unnecessary expense. Keeping the veteran with the Medical Examiner or Coroner while the family gathers information can remove much of that immediate pressure.
It allows the family to stop, breathe and make the next decision without already being committed to a funeral provider or accumulating charges.
Once A Soldier helps families after a veteran suicide.
Once A Soldier provides practical guidance and time-of-need financial assistance to families facing the immediate consequences of a veteran suicide. Assistance may include qualifying cremation, funeral or biohazard cleanup expenses.
Contact us before agreeing to costs whenever possible. We cannot guarantee assistance, but we can help you understand the next steps and determine what support may be available.
Important: Procedures, holding periods and fees vary by county and state. Confirm all information directly with the local Medical Examiner, Coroner, funeral provider, insurer or appropriate government agency. This checklist provides general guidance and is not legal, medical or financial advice.