Research says there are 17 Veteran suicides every day. For us mission, that’s 17 Veteran families suddenly in need of help. There are many things these suicide have in common: they’ve lost a breadwinner and soon they will lose their home and vehicles. It’s an American tragedy and these families are facing real hardship from it.

On an editorial note, while I believe it is still important to see the reality behind the numbers, we no longer post anything other than the minimum that will begin to illustrate the horror of Veteran suicide.

Soldier Tells His Brother He Has To Go

A Jacksonville Veteran was on the phone with his brother after Sunday church. They had a normal conversation, but everyone in the family knew that he was a little not himself. When the phone call was ending, the Veteran said “I’ve got to go.” His brother on the other end thought he just meant he was going to hang up. Instead he heard a gun shot and it was over. We got the call on Monday and helped.

Soldier Hangs Himself In Front Door

Jeremy was in pain from PTSD acquired during his service. He lived alone, and his sister got worried when she didn’t hear from him over the holidays. When they opened the door to his apartment, he had hanged himself right there. It was estimated that he died about 12 days before he was discovered. We paid for his cremation.

Sailor Dies In Florida

From Tim Robinson’s mom Marcia. I asked her how she was doing a week after she lost her Navy veteran. 

She replied: It (sadness) comes in waves. I hope it’s okay to share this. Tim enlisted in the Navy at age 20 and served 11 years. Single, no children. A navy buddy said his brother would hire him at his construction company in FL. When Boeing called to offer a job in TX he turned it down because he “didn’t want to burn bridges”. He needed a local address to get a drivers license and needed a job to get an apartment so he rented a room at a long stay hotel in September 2021.

His best friend who served until 2017 texted with him every other day and offered open invitation to his home to him in TX and of course I did too – in Maryland. He sent me a Happy Birthday text on 5/13, and texted with his best friend as usual on 5/17. On 5/18, he packed his backs, put his navy papers in the side pocket, wrote “cremate me” on a piece of paper, and used an AR15 to end his life. 

Wife Fought Off Husband’s Kitchen Knife Attack

Misty Morris lived with Anthony, her husband, father of their three kids and Afghanistan Veteran for 6 years after her returned for the active combat in the Middle East. He acquired severe PTSD and one day he imagined that his wife and kids were planning on attacking him. In the kitchen, Misty and Anthony fought for a large knife. In the adjacent room, their young kids, scared and hiding for their lives, recorded on a phone the audio of the attack. 

In the end, his attacked went unfinished. After he realized what had happened, he checked into a hotel where he killed himself.

He left four suicide notes. One for his wife. One for his kids. One for his parents and brother.

Veteran Kills Himself After Two Attempts

His Mom called us devastated. His roommate found his body. Mom told me that he told her that twice already he had a revolver in his mouth but couldn’t pull the trigger. Finally, on Wednesday, January 26, 2022, he pulled the trigger. He did it outside behind his apartment. 

Veteran Leaves Wife and Kids Behind

My name is Sharon. My husband, Michael Ridley, took his own life on April 21, 1996. He served in the Army. He had 8 months to retire at 20 years.

We just bought a house in February. One minute he was here, the next I had his CO and the Chaplain at my door. What sticks in my head is my 5-year-old son, Andrew..pounding his hands on the Chaplain. I also have an 11 and 14 year old.

Everything happened so quickly..my parents, my sister and best friend flew from New Hampshire to Arizona. The next day, a Warrant Officer came a few days later, to explain all the financial stuff, and took me to Nogales to the social security office. I just remember being numb and in tunnel vision.

The military gave me full benefits. I am grateful for that.

The worst thing is my 3 sons all got involved in drugs. The oldest is in Army. Oldest daughter is also in Army. She joined because of my husband. My other 2 sons are just now getting clean or trying. Andrew has been in and out of jail since he was 19. He just got out again last Friday. He has so many questions, that I can’t answer. My 2nd oldest has overdosed 8 times..he shot up…in my car in front of me…I had a panic attack. He stole my vehicle last February…for 3 weeks. To my knowledge..he’s in a men’s sober house. I have not heard from him.
I am thankful for all that the military has given us. I don’t know what I would’ve done.

I myself have a lot of anger to this day. My life since his death has been nothing but chaos. I lay in bed every night wondering if one of them relapsed, will the police come to my door, will they call to say one is dead.

I am just numb still…I feel like I’m empty. My kids are all in a mess.

I’ve been out of work since covid started, due to underlying conditions. I just sit in my apt. I’m trying to buy a house..but my credit has been challenged, since out of work.

No Christmas spirit..times are tough. I barely can afford to live.

I’m lost I guess… I just wanted to tell you my story.

Thank you for all you do.♥
Merry Christmas ⛄⛄⛄⛄

Sincerely,
Sharon Ridley

Texas Veteran Talks Two Fellow Vets Out of 
Suicide.Kills Himself the Next Day.

On March 9th, 2021, Casey James Irby, a 33-year-old Veteran, ended his life inside his home. He left behind his wife, Elisha, and a family of four girls and one boy.

Casey joined the Army in 2006. During a 13-month deployment, he acquired PTSD and brought it home to Texas with him.

On March 9th, Casey was at home in his living room with his wife and oldest daughter. It was there that his PTSD got the better of him. PTSD had him believing that he was back in the war zone and that he needed to clear this house. He took on that mission.

In a room where just one night earlier he had talked down another Veteran with a gun to his head from killing himself, Casey held his gun to his wife’s head. He believed he needed to kill her and the other occupants. Elisha and her oldest daughter bravely managed to calm the situation down. 

As the crisis continued in the living room, Casey’s son, pictured here, was in the next room. Terrified, he listened to the surreal conflict that no young boy should ever have to hear, but it got worse.

Sadly, when Casey snapped back to reality – a reality that was in many ways worse than his imagined scenario – he realized what he had done. In the adjacent room, his son heard a gunshot and Dad was dead. He was spared what his mom and sister saw first hand.

Elisha and her daughter had blood on their face for days. 

Once Casey had his final right, Elisha left the Texas house to stay with relatives in the Northwest for a few weeks. They are now back home in the Dallas area. 

UPDATE: I spoke with Elisha on 10/20/2021 and they are talking one day at a time. The kids are starting to get back into sports. Elisha is trying to help others in her situation. We are so honored to know them and we will be working together for the cause in the future. 

Survivor’s Guilt Plus PTSD

Found By His Twin Brother

Jared served overseas and was a divorced dad of two. He sang in the choir in high school and with his Mom after he came home to find peace. Mom knew something was different and wrong with her son.

Jared lived with his twin brother in an apartment in South Carolina. On 9/11/2017, Jared’s brother came home to find his twin dead by his own hand. Jared has left a suicide video note on his phone. He simply couldn’t take it anymore. 

His family wasn’t allowed to see him in the funeral home until they paid $5,000 – half of the final cost. Jared sat for five days alone while his family found the money. Can you imagine the torture the family must have felt?

Sivert Rafter

I’m reaching out to you today to see if you might be able to help or point me in the right direction of some help for myself and my two children after the suicide of their dad 8 months ago. He was receiving VA disability as well as regular disability for PTSD. He had 100% of the disability for the PTSD and another 25% for back and neck injuries. We lived off of his income between his VA disability and his regular disability.

When he committed suicide we were left with nothing. My kids got denied survivor benefits because of the fact that he had not served during an active wartime.

I just need some assistance getting back on my feet trying to find a place to live, accumulating deposits and all that is very daunting and scary for all of us, with him gone. We lived in the house with no electricity and no water for close to a month and now we’re staying with my sister which is a very temporary situation and I just don’t know where to turn.

Mickey Keeney

Mickey and his son who also acquired PTSD.

His name is Mickey Keeney. He served as 11C airborne for 8 years. He did tours in Kuwait and Panama in the 90’s. He was 42 years old when he passed away. After he got out of the military due to medical issues, his knees and back, he moved to New York where our family is, our father retired after 21 years 11B. He stayed up here in an unhealthy marriage and then they ended up moving to Georgia just outside of Ft. Stewart. He loved carpentry work so he did a lot of side jobs where he could and worked all the time on beautiful houses. While in Georgia his wife ended up leaving him and taking their 3 kids and moved to Oregon. This was devastating to him and ultimately started his downward spiral.. He ended up getting remarried and his son moved back in with him so that helped him a little. He started going to the VA because of his back and knees and potential cancer. He was up to a 45% rating and had 6 open cases to reevaluate for a higher rating, at the time of his death. Last year he was told that he would be paralyzed by the end of 2020 if he didn’t have something done to his back. This set him way back because the VA kept cancelling his appointments. He was in so much pain. Last November his son, who had then joined the military himself as a combat medic, tried committing suicide and ended up hospitalized with TBI and PTSD. He is in process of getting a medical discharge. Mickey was struggling with his marriage too. He had a lot against him. But he always had the biggest heart for other Military members, current and prior service. He advocated for veteran suicide and was always there every single time someone called him for help. He was an amazing uncle and was starting to be a better dad too. He had a hard childhood so he wasn’t the easiest person to live with… And he was very strong willed so that easily caused conflict with people in his life. But overall, there’s not a single person that doesn’t have anything good to say about him or how he’s helped them in one way or another..

For many years he has always struggled with depression/anxiety. He’s reached out for help, he’s been on meds, he’s done everything he was supposed to do. But I know sometimes those thoughts can just take over and act on impulse. He owned guns. He could openly carry in Georgia so he always had his pistol on him. Some nights he would hold it to his head and calmly ask, what if I just pull the trigger now? And we always said, shut up you’re not going to do that. And he never did.. The evening of April 15^th wasn’t supposed to be any different. He had a busy day working outside in the yard and could barely move because of the pain that evening. His wife came home from work and he said “hello beautiful”. She instantly started in on him yelling at him about going into her daughters room and moving something and he argued that the dog did it and it just escalated from there. At about 5:40pm he pulled our her pistol and said, how about I just end this now?, he put it to his chin and it went off. We don’t know if it was intentional or if it was accidental because it was a smaller pistol than his and he was a bigger guy… We are telling ourselves it was accidental because that’s what’s getting us through… His wife said the look on his face when the gun went off was instant regret.. He died within a second. It was so tragic and unexpected…

The funeral home in Georgia did the embalming and transported him to Maryland for his burial. Due to the virus he wasn’t able to have the full military honors that he should have got. We did have TAPS played in a distant. Our father and Mickeys son folded the flag because they are both military and knew that process. So we did what we could to honor him. We played amazing grace at the cemetery too. We couldn’t have a lot of friends or family there either because of the virus…

I know the VA was paying $300 towards the headstone. That was part of the $1,800 my mom paid at the funeral home initially. The $6,000 that I paid was not expected to be due until life insurance was figured out but I guess because of the virus things had to be done sooner… Now we know that the VA won’t be paying anymore life insurance because he wasn’t a 100% disability rating.. I struggle with that because the PTSD was part of his disability rating and his death certificate says PTSD so I feel like he should have gotten the full life insurance.. That’s why I reached out to you guys and anyone else who would have resources for us to help pay for his funeral services. His wife may not even get her life insurance policy she had on him because of the strict no suicide rule they have for the policy… So she isn’t even able to help pay off some of the debt my mom and I are carrying. On top of all of this, I refinanced his truck so that it didn’t get repossessed. His truck was his escape from everything. He would sit in it every night and listen to music and call family and friends.

Bob and his daughter Miki 

LTC Robert Zaza

LTC Robert N. Zaza served as the G 13 Section Chief, in support of United States Army Space and Missile Defense Command, located at Peterson Air Force Base, Colorado Springs, Colorado. Prior to his current assignment, he served as an Army Space Support Team Leader, 1st Space Battalion.

On March 2019, his depression and PTSD moved him to commit veteran suicide. Living in New Mexico and working for the U. S. Army, his PTSD was linked to his two tours of Afghanistan. His wife recalls one story that she believes is at the heart of his PTSD. He hired a 12-year-old Afghan village boy to help distribute food to the village. They became close and Robert was happy to help him and his family. After leaving and returning to the village one day, he found that boy strung up in a tree by the Taliban.

Robert entered his bathroom at his home in New Mexico he shared with his wife and two children, a son and a daughter, and his .38 revolver.

His wife burst into the room to stop him. Immediately, she saw him with the muzzle of the gun inside his mouth. Mrs. Zaza fought with her husband to save his life. In the struggle, an errant shot pierced her hand and then Robert’s sternum. Blood gushed from the new wound. As she dealt with the shock and and pain in her own hand, and watching her husband’s life blood leaving his body, Robert, her husband of 30+ years, successfully completed his final mission. He put the gun to his temple and fired his weapon.

Now, with 7 incidents of shock in that one incident, Mrs. Zaza suffers from the PTSD acquired during this event. She and her family know that there was two Roberts. One before PTSD and one after.

Read the Silver Lining Memorial written by his wife.

Jarod with his Mom Kathy.

Jarod Johns

Jarod Johns enlisted eager to serve his country and keep his family safe from the terror of 9/11 that deeply moved him. He served his tours of duty overseas and returned home a changed young man. The carefree boy who left the nest returned a hardened and frightened PTSD victim.

He shared an apartment with his twin brother in Greenville, South Carolina. Unbeknownst to his family until months after his death, inmates at a local prison were attempting to blackmail Jarod. They illegally obtained his cell phone number and sent him unsoliceted images of a young girl. His texts prove that he was doing the right thing, but his convicted blackmailers insisted he pay them or he would be exposed.

On 9/11/2018, Jarod succumbed to his PTSD and the blackmail plot against him. He recorded a video on his phone moments before his shot himself. His last words were “this is best for everyone.” His twin brother found his body later that day. The funeral home in their hometown would not allow Jarod’s family to see him until they paid $5,000.

Read his Silver Lining Memorial written by his parents.

Cedrick and his wife

Cedrick Taylor

Cedrick Taylor enlisted in the Army right after 9/11. He loved to play baseball growing up and was an exceptional athelte. His mother was nervous about his decision to enlist, but her and her father and Cedric’s sister were proud of his decision.

Cedric served three tours in Iraq, but acquired PTSD from the IEDs and his time in country. Moving back to the states, he settled in Florida and was getting help for his PTSD and depression. He was divorced from his wife and had lost custody of his daughter. The rest of his family was still living in Connecticut. He was alone.

One week after the VA switched his psychiatrist, Cedric had enough. He went to his apartment and fired one shot into his temple. He was found days later. The VA refused to fly or help to fly his body home and he sat for days in a morgue until his family could make the payment arrangements.

Read his Silver Lining Memorial written by him Mom.