Her Struggle To Save Him Is Frustrating Yet Hopeful 

With 17 active duty and Veteran suicides every day, there is plenty of blame to go around. What is actually going on? Where’s the help?
Where’s the compassion? Why are these people feeling like this is the best decision? Answers are hard to find, but here’s one. Found on a Reddit sub-Reddit called r/Veterans, this female Veteran details her struggles that, if not resolved, will lead to what amounts to just another statistic.

urn for ashes

Medications Management Is Part Of The Problem and Solution

I know this title isn’t a news flash. And I try not to post vents and rants. There’s already enough negative energy, in this world. But I’m so angry and scared and I don’t know what to do.

My husband is a Former Marine and served in Iraq. He’s struggling. A lot. He’s been suicidal for a week now. I’ve called the Crisis line 5 times in the last 6 days. I’ve called the suicide prevention coordinators. I’ve called the Seattle VA Mental Health Clinic. I’ve call the local Vet’s Center. We’ve been trying to get him a PTSD counselor for 3 YEARS. 3 YEARS of emails begging for help. 3 years of phone calls, sitting for hours on hold only to be hung up on or transferred to a voicemail that is full. 3 of the longest most painful years of our lives – of flashbacks, night terrors, insomnia, suicide ideation, outbursts of anger, sobbing until throwing up, struggling to get meds then receiving the wrong prescriptions, of mental health “professionals” suggesting my husband breathe into a paper bag when he’s anxious. 3 years of poverty because my husband can’t hold down a job due to PTSD.

Each time my husband’s thoughts of suicide resurface (they never completely go away) they get more intense and more serious with more intent. After 5 days without sleeping, calling every resource number I can find, going above my husband’s psych’s head to his boss, my husband finally had an appointment with his psychiatrist this morning.

My husband asked his psych for assisted suicide to end the pain. I was called into the appointment in the last 5 minutes. The psych proceeded to mansplain to me how my husband needed to take a walk and “get outside.” (I can’t even get him to shower or eat). He mansplained to me that my husband needed to take his meds regularly and so this predicament was his fault. He mansplained to me that my expectations were unrealistic – that things didn’t happen overnight in VA. 3 f-king years we’ve been calling the VA for help, for counseling, and proper med management, and the psych kept speaking over me to tell me it was my husband’s fault and my expectations are unrealistic.

I started to ask specific questions regarding meds that my husband needs. The psych told me he’d planned on talking about that, today, but we couldn’t now because we were out of time. He told me it was my husband’s fault we could not talk about meds because my husband had chosen to use that time to talk about suicide instead. He’s suicidal in part because he’s not getting the med management he needs.

He told me my husband might get to see a psychologist for PTSD but could not tell me when or if that was actually possible. Then the psych told me he would “try” to schedule the next available appointment to see my husband. I told him I expected him to do it, not just “try.” The man then had the audacity to tell me he was “trying” to be respectful towards me and he expected me to do the same.

I feel so helpless and so angry. I want to burn down the world and I don’t know what to do. I’m not stupid. I am a strong intelligent woman who’s survived my own trauma. I am resourceful, well educated, well spoken, and love my husband more than life itself. I also have a professional background in healthcare. And I was just treated like an overly emotional and irrational toddler with a learning disability.

NOBODY regardless of race, gender, ethnicity, educational background, military status, or age – no living life form should have to be treated like this ever – especially when they are in pain.

Edit: I just called a private pay counselor my husband has seen twice over the last 6 months to ask if she had any points of contact for me and to let her know he’s not doing well. I had to ask her to stop yelling at me for being a terrible irresponsible spouse in order to tell her what was going on. What the hell is wrong with people?


Our Veterans are killing themselves in record numbers mostly due to PTSD. An overmatched VA can’t take care of them or their families. We will.

Soldier suicide leaves Veteran families with thousands of dollars of bills unpaid, mostly bank loans.

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